concise mystery

i had my first real grown-up job interview the other day. i mean, don't get me wrong, i guess i had a job interview for my shitty retail job, but whatever, that doesn't count.

i've actually been real slack since finishing honours and have spent heaps of time wallowing around at home, being sad about dudes and sad about what my life has become and sad that i am 23 and still haven't really achieved anything (apart from my shitty arts degree). also got real down about my grades (weren't that bad, still impressive i guess. but i know i could have done way way wayyy better).

also, pretty bummed i have never really achieved anything ~creative~. i don't really have any creative pursuits though, so i dunno why i should be getting bummed about having no creative achievements. although, in the bleakest stage of my post-honours-unemployment-lethargy i started writing a sitcom. i stopped writing it though because it really wasn't funny at all and was extremely self indulgent. it was really depressing actually. i had a working title of "my plague of apathy", which really isn't a clever or appealing name at all.
ugh, anyway. enough of that shit. so yeah, i was wallowing around a lot. then i started walking to the new central library everyday to use the wifi/apply for jobs. i only summoned enough energy to apply for one job however. despite people being like, "ohhh, you're applying for jobs? oh honey, get ready for a lot of rejection. you know people apply for like, 200 jobs once they finish uni right? yeah. it's terrible". just real patronising and shit.

i applied for one job and then forgot about it. then before i knew it i was up in wellington, wearing this horrible striped shirt and black pencil shirt with my hair tied back in this really tight horrible bun, espousing all this shit about what a great logical worker i am and my amazin' customer service philosophies. i dunno. i talked a whole heap of shit in this interview. and tomorrow i get to find out whether it paid off or not!

not sure if i should keep maintaining this blog though. i mean, if i am about to embark upon an "exciting" career in the public sector, should i really be keeping an angsty chick blog? all i really want to do is start a blog about dating and relationships. super cynthia heimel like. it's already been done though probably. and let's face it, my love life really isn't intriguing enough to a) have any interesting content, and b) not inspiring enough to be able to write real good inspiring funny anecdotes and advice about ~love~. dunno if thats the type of thing public servant ladies should be pursuing however. might just completely tune out of "real life" for a year, become a corporate whore and save heaps of money.

what have i become